Well that was an emotional roller-coaster. July 27th 2014 saw ICW come to the 02 ABC in Glasgow in what was billed as the biggest ICW show ever, and to say it lived up to the hype would be a massive understatement. We got the usual standard of world class wrestling, as well as some top notch patter, surprise appearances, and a segment in particular that had the crowd split down the middle, but this will all come in good time.
The show begins with Billy FUCKIN’ Kirkwood coming out to
lay the patter upon us. He thanks the fans for coming out to support PRO
WRESTLING in Scotland and makes some jokes about the Commonwealth Games and
such things before he gets abruptly interrupted by Bad Boy Liam Thomson and
Carfuckinmel. Thomson says that he’s no
staying in Glasgow another 2 hours waiting on his I Quit match with Kid Fite,
and that he wants the match to begin RIGHT NOW. Fito comes out to duly oblige,
but Thomson immediately quits and leaves the ring. Fito then told us that he’s
gonny get his hands on that wee prick before the night is done.
The opening contest of the night was the Zero-G Championship match between Mark Coffey & Solar, but it looked to be a no-go as the Reeeeeal ICW Champion came out to say that Solar would yet again not be competing for the title. Instead, we got Chris Toal dressed as CM Punk, with Jackie Polo following behind done up as Paul Heyman. Coffey beat Toal, before Solar came down for his rightful shot. Coffey looked to keep Solar's quickness at bay early on with some pumphandle suplexes into bridging pins for near falls. Solar picked up with a nice suicide dive, but back in the ring, Coffey hit the pumphandle slam to retain.
Next up, The Bucky Boys and Kay Lee Ray came down to make a few announcements. Davey Boy's injury is almost 100%, which is the good news, but the bad news is that the Bucky's are being forced to surrender the tag team championships. Upon hearing this, the NAK come down to claim that the titles are rightfully theirs, and should be given to them, or they'll just have to take them. The Wee Man has different ideas, however, and makes a match, Stevie Boy & Kay Lee Ray vs The NAK, for the ICW Tag Team Championships. As expected, this was a high paced match that showcased everyone involved really well, especially KLR, who took some sore looking bumps, including a spinebuster off Renfrew, as well as dishing out some offence on the Kliq. BT Gunn showed why his hands are the most feared in Scotland as his chops literally reduced Stevie Boy's chest into a bloody mess. This match would result in the NAK proving why they are one of the most dominant factions in wrestling as they went on to capture the tag team championships. I didn't catch the finish to this match, but all the Bucky's were laid out at the end, so we can safely assume one of them was pinned (well obviously, cos they lost the match).
Grado looked to keep his great year rolling with a victory over the scary big bastard that is Johnny Moss. If the Stevenston Dream was looking for a way to intimidate his much larger adversary, he went about it the right way as he made a Goldberg-esque entrance with a camera following him from backstage all the way to the ring. However, he would take a pasting early on, getting in only a few offensive strikes, but after failing to put the big man away with the Roll 'n' Slice, the F5 and the Wee Boot, he catches Moss off guard with a roll up after he trips him up and seals the victory.
Oh my. This segment was a mixture of things. Jackie Polo makes his way to the ring to host a celebration of Lionheart's life and career, named "This Is Your Life". On a sidenote here, this segment may have dragged on a wee bit, but for those few eejits who felt it would be acceptable to throw drinks into the ring, not only is it disrespectful to someone who is just doing their job (and doing a damn good one at that) but it's also clatty, and you can get so far to fuck with that pish. The mexican wave was a bit of fun, but drink throwing is never acceptable under any circumstance, so bolt. Jackie invites Hearto's ex-burd (a guy done up like a wummin), one of his old wrestling coaches, and Stu Hart (DCT) into the ring for some heartfelt tributes. Lionheart doesn't take too kindly to this, however, and comes out to threaten Polo with the dire message that the day is coming when he kicks his cunt in. Hearto says that he's got some pals of his own, cue Jack, Victor and Boabby. The Still Game legends come out to a roaring ovation, as they spark Jackie's guests clean out before letting Lionheart hit his ex-burd with a Rock Bottom. It was obvious enough that this segment was dragged on so that the pay-off had more effect come the end, and I actually really enjoyed the entire segment, so maybe I'm just missing something that others at the show felt was shockingly bad.
The half time show was Joe Hendry and his band, Lost in Audio, performing a few numbers, which included "Joe Hendry... Local Hero", "We Found Love (in Joe Hendry's Face)", and "I Want Joe Hendry" in the style of the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way". The whole thing was a good laugh, and showed why Joe is one of the best heels in ICW at the moment. Just before the performance, I went to the bar and bumped into Big Damo, who skelped a can ae Guinness. He doesn't think highly of Joe's vocals and comes down to get a piece of him. We have ourselves another match... Damo goes about decimating Hendry, but Joe retaliates by getting the big man up and delivering the Freak of Nature. Damo hits the ascendancy by hitting the running senton against the barrier, and an electric chair driver for the 2 count. Did this match come to an end? I'm not entirely sure, but my mind was elsewhere. My eyes were on the top rope. Kenny Williams had a chair propped up at Hendry's face in the corner. Damo was on the top rope. Surely fucking not? Aye. Damo delivered the most thunderous coast-to-coast in wrestling history, killing Joe Hendry stone deid in the process. He's gone, he's never coming back.
Next thing we know, Kid Fite is dragging Carmel out by the hair in attempt to goad Liam Thomson into their scheduled I Quit Match, and it worked, as Bad Boy came to his wummin's rescue. It didn't go all too well for Thomson though, as Fito spent much of the match in complete control of his former partner. Some of the patter used from both in retort to the question being asked of the ref was brilliant, "Yer burd's a slut mate" being a personal favorite of mine from Kid Fite, and Edinburgh man Thomson repeatedly replying with "Fuck Glasgow". The fight got taken into the crowd, where Fite dived from a barrier onto Thomson. Back in the ring, Fito ties Thomson up in the ropes, and gets Carmel in the ring to draw the win from Thomson. After Liam tells him to "do it", Fite was a bawhair away from teabagging Carmel, before Thomson sees sense and quits in order to save his burd's face from Fito's baws.
My prediction for match of the night/year/century was up next, the absolute dream match of Joe Coffey vs Jack Gallagher. Coffey made his entrance by playing the Iron Man tune on the electric guitar, wearing an Iron Man mask and with gold and red make up on, which was awesome in itself. The fact that I had built this match up in my head so much didn't make it any less amazing. In fact, it probably exceeded my expectations, as the two started off with some good old fashioned tests of strength. Gallagher takes Joe off guard with some nifty flips from a wristlock, before Coffey puts himself in control with a brilliant Boston Crab. It would have been considered a minor upset if Gallagher would have won his ICW debut, but he gave as good an account of himself as he could have, showing the technical prowess, as well as great determination, to push Coffey all the way to the end, when only the Iron Man's Spinning Discus was too much for Gallagher to handle. After the match, the two shared a respectful hug in appreciation of the match they had put on and each other's abilities. Can only hope we see Jack Gallagher back in ICW and in the same ring as Joe Coffey again soon!
The main event of the night was the match for the ICW Heavyweight Championship between defending champion Jack Jester and Martin Stone. Stone quickly established that he was not a nice house guest by talking a load of smack with the fans and gathering a load of heat before the bell even rang. The match itself was really good, with Stone showing that he wasn't a slouch in the ring, and that he was up for the physical battle with Jester. There was only one thing on everyone's mind though. It wasn't a case of IF Jester would retain, it was a matter of would he be able to deal with the NAK after he retains. After a hard fought battle, Jack would retain using his patented Tombstone, and Martin Stone left, acknowledging that Jester was the better man, then...
CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE.
Darkside and BT Gunn run out and attack Jester, leaving him defenseless in the ring with no support. Divers and Renfrew join their NAK brethren in the ring, and Renfrew gets on the mic. As soon as he hands the briefcase to the referee... HE'S FUCKING CASHING IN. He goads Jester. Renfrew will win the title, in this ring, with his brothers around him, but Jester has no one left. Or does he? Lights oot.
The following 15 minutes were watched through teary eyes, as those around me have described it as the most demented mark-out of all time, because as the lights came back on, and the hood came back, stood in the ring, in the 02 ABC in Glasgow, in front of all our eyes, was DREW GALLOWAY. He's back. It all happened too fast. Clothesline to Gunn, over the top rope goes Divers, Darkside tries to choke Drew out but gets powerbombed for his troubles, Renfrew gets the briefcase booted into his own face, and finally, he gets a hold of Gunn, and plants him with the Future Shock DDT. Drew Galloway single-handedly neutralized the New Age Kliq. He and Jester share a warm embrace, and make their way up the ramp, when things went from bad to worse for the champ. His best friend, the man who just saved his skin, turned on him just as quickly, stomping on his head and then throwing him through a table. Drew pleaded with Jester to let him speak, but he wouldn't listen. Galloway made his way back to the ring to give a message. He delivered the best promo I've seen in a long time, claiming that he needs what Jester has, the ICW Championship. Drew can take ICW to the next level if he has that title, and if he can do what he did to Jester, his best friend, in order to get his hands on it, what would he do to anyone else? He wants the world to pay attention to Drew Galloway and to Insane Championship Wrestling.
HERE WE, HERE WE, HERE WE FUCKING GO.
(P.S. Happy Birthday, Dallas!)
(P.S.S Here's the video of Drew's return, in all it's magnificence...)
Next up, The Bucky Boys and Kay Lee Ray came down to make a few announcements. Davey Boy's injury is almost 100%, which is the good news, but the bad news is that the Bucky's are being forced to surrender the tag team championships. Upon hearing this, the NAK come down to claim that the titles are rightfully theirs, and should be given to them, or they'll just have to take them. The Wee Man has different ideas, however, and makes a match, Stevie Boy & Kay Lee Ray vs The NAK, for the ICW Tag Team Championships. As expected, this was a high paced match that showcased everyone involved really well, especially KLR, who took some sore looking bumps, including a spinebuster off Renfrew, as well as dishing out some offence on the Kliq. BT Gunn showed why his hands are the most feared in Scotland as his chops literally reduced Stevie Boy's chest into a bloody mess. This match would result in the NAK proving why they are one of the most dominant factions in wrestling as they went on to capture the tag team championships. I didn't catch the finish to this match, but all the Bucky's were laid out at the end, so we can safely assume one of them was pinned (well obviously, cos they lost the match).
Grado looked to keep his great year rolling with a victory over the scary big bastard that is Johnny Moss. If the Stevenston Dream was looking for a way to intimidate his much larger adversary, he went about it the right way as he made a Goldberg-esque entrance with a camera following him from backstage all the way to the ring. However, he would take a pasting early on, getting in only a few offensive strikes, but after failing to put the big man away with the Roll 'n' Slice, the F5 and the Wee Boot, he catches Moss off guard with a roll up after he trips him up and seals the victory.
Oh my. This segment was a mixture of things. Jackie Polo makes his way to the ring to host a celebration of Lionheart's life and career, named "This Is Your Life". On a sidenote here, this segment may have dragged on a wee bit, but for those few eejits who felt it would be acceptable to throw drinks into the ring, not only is it disrespectful to someone who is just doing their job (and doing a damn good one at that) but it's also clatty, and you can get so far to fuck with that pish. The mexican wave was a bit of fun, but drink throwing is never acceptable under any circumstance, so bolt. Jackie invites Hearto's ex-burd (a guy done up like a wummin), one of his old wrestling coaches, and Stu Hart (DCT) into the ring for some heartfelt tributes. Lionheart doesn't take too kindly to this, however, and comes out to threaten Polo with the dire message that the day is coming when he kicks his cunt in. Hearto says that he's got some pals of his own, cue Jack, Victor and Boabby. The Still Game legends come out to a roaring ovation, as they spark Jackie's guests clean out before letting Lionheart hit his ex-burd with a Rock Bottom. It was obvious enough that this segment was dragged on so that the pay-off had more effect come the end, and I actually really enjoyed the entire segment, so maybe I'm just missing something that others at the show felt was shockingly bad.
The half time show was Joe Hendry and his band, Lost in Audio, performing a few numbers, which included "Joe Hendry... Local Hero", "We Found Love (in Joe Hendry's Face)", and "I Want Joe Hendry" in the style of the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way". The whole thing was a good laugh, and showed why Joe is one of the best heels in ICW at the moment. Just before the performance, I went to the bar and bumped into Big Damo, who skelped a can ae Guinness. He doesn't think highly of Joe's vocals and comes down to get a piece of him. We have ourselves another match... Damo goes about decimating Hendry, but Joe retaliates by getting the big man up and delivering the Freak of Nature. Damo hits the ascendancy by hitting the running senton against the barrier, and an electric chair driver for the 2 count. Did this match come to an end? I'm not entirely sure, but my mind was elsewhere. My eyes were on the top rope. Kenny Williams had a chair propped up at Hendry's face in the corner. Damo was on the top rope. Surely fucking not? Aye. Damo delivered the most thunderous coast-to-coast in wrestling history, killing Joe Hendry stone deid in the process. He's gone, he's never coming back.
Next thing we know, Kid Fite is dragging Carmel out by the hair in attempt to goad Liam Thomson into their scheduled I Quit Match, and it worked, as Bad Boy came to his wummin's rescue. It didn't go all too well for Thomson though, as Fito spent much of the match in complete control of his former partner. Some of the patter used from both in retort to the question being asked of the ref was brilliant, "Yer burd's a slut mate" being a personal favorite of mine from Kid Fite, and Edinburgh man Thomson repeatedly replying with "Fuck Glasgow". The fight got taken into the crowd, where Fite dived from a barrier onto Thomson. Back in the ring, Fito ties Thomson up in the ropes, and gets Carmel in the ring to draw the win from Thomson. After Liam tells him to "do it", Fite was a bawhair away from teabagging Carmel, before Thomson sees sense and quits in order to save his burd's face from Fito's baws.
My prediction for match of the night/year/century was up next, the absolute dream match of Joe Coffey vs Jack Gallagher. Coffey made his entrance by playing the Iron Man tune on the electric guitar, wearing an Iron Man mask and with gold and red make up on, which was awesome in itself. The fact that I had built this match up in my head so much didn't make it any less amazing. In fact, it probably exceeded my expectations, as the two started off with some good old fashioned tests of strength. Gallagher takes Joe off guard with some nifty flips from a wristlock, before Coffey puts himself in control with a brilliant Boston Crab. It would have been considered a minor upset if Gallagher would have won his ICW debut, but he gave as good an account of himself as he could have, showing the technical prowess, as well as great determination, to push Coffey all the way to the end, when only the Iron Man's Spinning Discus was too much for Gallagher to handle. After the match, the two shared a respectful hug in appreciation of the match they had put on and each other's abilities. Can only hope we see Jack Gallagher back in ICW and in the same ring as Joe Coffey again soon!
The main event of the night was the match for the ICW Heavyweight Championship between defending champion Jack Jester and Martin Stone. Stone quickly established that he was not a nice house guest by talking a load of smack with the fans and gathering a load of heat before the bell even rang. The match itself was really good, with Stone showing that he wasn't a slouch in the ring, and that he was up for the physical battle with Jester. There was only one thing on everyone's mind though. It wasn't a case of IF Jester would retain, it was a matter of would he be able to deal with the NAK after he retains. After a hard fought battle, Jack would retain using his patented Tombstone, and Martin Stone left, acknowledging that Jester was the better man, then...
CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE.
Darkside and BT Gunn run out and attack Jester, leaving him defenseless in the ring with no support. Divers and Renfrew join their NAK brethren in the ring, and Renfrew gets on the mic. As soon as he hands the briefcase to the referee... HE'S FUCKING CASHING IN. He goads Jester. Renfrew will win the title, in this ring, with his brothers around him, but Jester has no one left. Or does he? Lights oot.
The following 15 minutes were watched through teary eyes, as those around me have described it as the most demented mark-out of all time, because as the lights came back on, and the hood came back, stood in the ring, in the 02 ABC in Glasgow, in front of all our eyes, was DREW GALLOWAY. He's back. It all happened too fast. Clothesline to Gunn, over the top rope goes Divers, Darkside tries to choke Drew out but gets powerbombed for his troubles, Renfrew gets the briefcase booted into his own face, and finally, he gets a hold of Gunn, and plants him with the Future Shock DDT. Drew Galloway single-handedly neutralized the New Age Kliq. He and Jester share a warm embrace, and make their way up the ramp, when things went from bad to worse for the champ. His best friend, the man who just saved his skin, turned on him just as quickly, stomping on his head and then throwing him through a table. Drew pleaded with Jester to let him speak, but he wouldn't listen. Galloway made his way back to the ring to give a message. He delivered the best promo I've seen in a long time, claiming that he needs what Jester has, the ICW Championship. Drew can take ICW to the next level if he has that title, and if he can do what he did to Jester, his best friend, in order to get his hands on it, what would he do to anyone else? He wants the world to pay attention to Drew Galloway and to Insane Championship Wrestling.
HERE WE, HERE WE, HERE WE FUCKING GO.
(P.S. Happy Birthday, Dallas!)
(P.S.S Here's the video of Drew's return, in all it's magnificence...)