Firing them oot lads. Firing them oot. It's time for Friday Night Smackdown, and we kick tonight's show right aff with a match between two of the best cunt's aboot...
Dolph Ziggler vs Damien Sandow
What's happened to these two man? A former world champion and someone who should, by now, be a world champion. Sandow's return to TV and the momentum Ziggler is gaining just now gives me a wee bit of hope that these two can be in about a title picture soon after Wrestlemania. Anyway, it's refreshing to see a match between two guys that have been at the wrong end ae the midcard for this long getting a run out against each other. Sandow starts us off with some brutal knees to Dolph's midriff, followed by a nice side Russian legsweep. Some more offence by Sandow, but Ziggler gets a picture perfect dropkick in right to Sandow's mush. That man can dropkick, eh? Ziggler goes up top but Sandow catches him with a kick that sends Dolph flying heid first off the steel steps, which he sells as if he's just been skelped aff a really big lorry. Dolph's hurt but he makes it back in at eight, only for Sandow to go right back on the attack. Ziggler counters a chinlock but catches a huge elbow right tae the jaw, followed by an exposed knee right to the chest. Sandow then fucks Dolph about outside the ring before getting him back in for a 2 count. Sandow locks in another chinlock but Ziggler gets out and hits a jumping DDT. He gets Sandow in the corner for the 10 punches followed by a swinging neckbreaker which brings a 2 count. Sandow hits an Edge-esque move for 2. He goes for a spinning neckbreaker but Dolph avoids it and hits the fameasser for the win. Crackin' match to kick off the show, both of these lads deserve to be pushed to the moon. We can be patient but, their time will come...
Kane makes his way down to the ring, and he looks fuckin raging mate. Seems to be the theme for this week - RAGIN. Every single cunt is flat oot raging. He shows us footage of HHH's heinous attack on Daniel Bryan from RAW, and hails it as the end of the Yes Movement. He tells us all that DBry is an egomaniac, and that it's all our faults that he got that beatdown. No one is bigger than the Authority, and we should all accept that some people are just better than others. The Authority are better than all of us and Daniel Bryan. I was digging this promo, Kane absolutely killed it. Tap heel. He then read out a letter written by Triple H about the matter, before leaving the ring. Worth noting here that Fandango made his entrance while Kane was still making his way up the ramp, and the look Kane gave Fandango was with the same apathy that I regularly give beetroot. He wisny too bothered, but he wisny overly chuffed either.
Fandango vs Fernando of Los Matadores
I had nae interest in this at all. For all of Fandango's qualities as a wrestler, he's stuck in absolute gimmick hell and he canny get out. I don't hate Primo and Epico either, but the whole matador thing is heavy shite. This ends when El Torito shows some interest in Summer Rae cos she's wearing a red dress, chasing her about the ring. I was especially impressed by Summer's ability to run as fast as she did in heels, ye can tell she's had to run like fuck for the last train on many a night oot on the toon. She jumps up to Fandango on the apron, only for the distraction to allow Fernando to roll Fandango up for the win. Heavy shite bar Summer looking like the best female on the planet. NEXT.
It's always good when ye get a Harper n Wyatt on the titantron, cutting eerie promos like absolute champs, and this was no different. Luke is the reaper, and tonight (in his match with John Cena) he is going to carry out HIS bidding. Bray then sends the message loud and clear, he has Cena's fear in the palm of his hands, Cena's fear is his power, and his power is his control. Bray is Cena's king, and he will rule his entire world.
Run.
The Shield vs Rybaxel vs 3MB vs Real Americans (Tag Title's No1 Contender Fatal 4 Way match)
I am loving a face Shield. Loving them to bits. They come out to a worthy face pop, and make heir way through the crowd with a reinvigorated glow about them. The Shield stand united with the universe behind them. It'll only make the split harder to handle. The two jabber teams get the jabber entrances, and then the Real Americans come out to complete the field. It was awfy strange to be honest. Ambrose and Axel start us off, and Ambrose quickly gets to work with some nice slams and some elbows, before Axel tags in Jinder Mahal of 3MB. Deano gets him in a sair looking chinlock, and then knees him in the gut before tagging in the other Shield rep, Seth Rollins. Ryback tags himself in off Mahal and attempts a suplex, but Rollins knees him in the heid about 30 times, Ambrose tags himself in and he and Rollins clothesline Ryback over the top rope. Axel tries to get wide but instead joins his partner, before we get some AIR SHIELD as Ambrose and Rollins dive through the ropes onto Rybaxel. After the break, oor Drew and Ginger Mahal are working a number on Ambrose. We see that during the break, Cesaro swung Ambrose heid first aff the barricade, and it looked fucking sair. Cesaro gets in and brutalizes Ambrose, but, reminiscent of Dolph's initial face turn, Ambrose shows his fighting spirit and gets the crowd right behind him. Rollins gets in and cleans house. Knocks Axel off the apron, sends Ryback to the outside, then throws himself at Mahal in the corner, he runs at Mahal again but ducks a clothesline attempt and hits a diving senton on Ryback on the outside. This is aw TOO FUCKIN GID. Rollins sets Mahal up for the Black Out but Heath Slater grabs his leg from outside. Wrong move ma man. Reigns spears Slater in fuckin half and then aw hell breaks loose. Rollins hits the Black Out but Drew breaks up the pin, Ambrose takes care of him and then Kane comes oot to get a piece of Reigns. Ref rings the bell for some reason, cos Reigns isny in the match, so I can only assume he ended it because it aw got a bit out of hand. Kane takes Reigns up the ramp to gie him a tankin, Reigns gets the upper hand but then the New Age Outlaws appear to gie Kane hauners! Meanwhile, aw the heel teams have disabled Ambrose and Rollins. Kane makes his way in the ring, Outlaws in tow. Billy Gunn hits the fameasser on Rollins, Kane hits Ambrose with a chokeslam and the Outlaws then get Roman into the ring for some chokeslam action. The Shield look defeated. Broken. It's likely it'll now be Shield vs Kane and the Outlaws at Mania, and that's just no fair for our trio of heroes. It'll be a good match nonetheless.
Miz TV. For fuck sake. Another promotion of the Battle Royal, further enhancing Big Show's momentum and cementing him as the likely winner. Miz gies Show some patter about his Wrestlemania losing streak, and Big Show starts greetin. Old habits die hard. Miz gets a bunch of other battle royal participants down to the ring, and thinks that they should all show Show what they'll do at Mania by taking out the biggest threat. Everyone duly obliges, Show makes short work of the lot of them but, and it's ultimately down to Show and Sheamus. The two scrap it out for a bit but Big Show gets him, along with a sneaky Miz trying to be fly, over the top.
Big E vs Alberto Del Rio
This didn't last long at all. Some of the usual explosive stuff from E. But Berty got on the ascension when he put E in a armbar over the top rope. Big E managed to get some more offence in but Alberto hits the backstabber and then the kick to the temple for the win. Didn't really get the point, apart from both men being in the Battle Royal.
Cute wee backstage segment from earlier in the night. Santino is getting his make up done and telling the wummin working on him everything he loves about Emma, and I agree with it aw. Emma has been listening, however, and she surprises Santino, only for yer man to shite himself and flee aff the chair, and then accidentally nut Emma on the way up. Unlucky darlin'. Ye've always got me to fall back on.
Natalya & Summer Rae vs The Bella Twins
So let me get this... ye team two of the most talented divas together, only for them to argue the entire time, against the Bellas, who beat said talented divas? Don't get me wrong, I give Nikki Bella props for some visible in-ring improvement recently, but nah. Not on. Nattie and Summer are goddesses. This ultimately ends when they two get in a shoving match, only for Brie to dropkick them both off the top rope, and hit the facebuster on Nattie for the 3. AJ was on commentary btw, which was probably the best part of the match. Apart from that, bleugh.
Kane is backstage talking to all the boays who set up The Shield earlier in the night, and for their efforts, grants Rybaxel a tag title shot. Upon Zeb's request, the Real Americans also get a title shot. But when Heath Slater enquires, Kane just grants 3MB entries in the battle royal. Kane and the Outlaws then share a hug. It's aw cute. Kane can always count on the Outlaws.
Alexander Rusev promo that's basically been done twice a week for a month. Lana comes out and says some Russian shit, then Rusev talks some Bulgarian. Riveting.
John Cena vs Luke Harper
So our main event is this, and I don't mind at all. Cena is the man, and Harper is an absolute genius in the ring for a guy his size. John goes for the attack from the off, but Harper counters with a crackin jumping neckbreaker for the 2. Aw the uppercuts from Harper followed by a gator roll. Cena counters with some flying shoulders but Luke hits him with a beautiful superkick for another 2 count. Harper hits a big boot, then goes for a powerbomb but Cena hits a nice hurricanrana. He then catches Harper only for him to hit a hurricanrana of his own! Wit? Quality shit here. Harper powerslams Cena for another 2, then sets him up for the swinging lariat, but Cena ducks and hits the AA for the win! With the first pin attempt he had... Bray and Erick rush the ring but John wisely gets out and then it's staredown time to close the show. Bray reminds Cena that he's still well and truly inside his head.
A crackin' smackdown btw, and probably better overall than RAW this week. Great matches to open and close with some brutal Shield beatdowns and divas looking sexy as fuck in between. I give this smackdown 8/10. Buzzin' for RAW. Buzzin for Mania. Buzzin.
