Jesus is that the time? It seems like just yesterday I was reviewing the Square Go and pondering what would happen when ICW returned to the Barras in March. I've been drifting in and out of obscurity since then, mainly due to the fact I now have a steady job (I know, what a fuckin dick, eh?) and that's been keeping me busy for a couple of months. A few things have happened in my absence... Drew Galloway has won more belts across the globe, Red Lightning has made good on his promise to make cunts' lives miserable, and Chris Renfrew has lost his fucking mind entirely. With all that being said, here's the matches we know we're looking forward to this Sunday, within the confines of the sold out Barrowland Ballroom in Glasgow.
ICW.
BARRAS.
THE RETURN.
Mikey Whiplash vs Lewis Girvan
The wrestling gods descended upon ICW and granted wrestling fans this sure to be excellent wrestling match. Fucking... wrestling. Girvan took advantage of a distracted Whiplash to eliminate him from the Square Go in January, and Whippy tends to have a gripe with people who are dicks like that. Girvan himself has been on a bit of a run, taking on both champion and challenger for this show's World Heavyweight title match and giving great showings in the process, as well as picking up a victory over the Franchise of ICW, Wolfgang. The focus remains on whoever is behind the mystery videos for Whiplash though, and this may just be the night that his pursuer makes himself (or herself) known. I'm not saying that I'm sure it's Jack Jester, but if it's not Jack Jester I'll eat my hat. That's trivial though, this will be a wonderful wrestling match, and I think Lewis Girvan may take the scalp of another of ICW's biggest players.
Layla Rose vs Carmel (Loser Leaves ICW Match)
Layla Rose has made quite the impact since arriving in ICW. A prospect brought in by Red Lightning to spice up the Spacebaws roster, she found herself in the Square Go in January, where she came face to face with the proven queen of ICW, Carmel. She and LT already cemented themselves as the true power couple in the company, so it's only natural that she wants to stop the momentum of Rose, who is looking to tear through ICW, and solidify her place as the top woman in the company. The condition to the match is baffling though. For all intents and purposes, Layla is new to ICW, so if she were to leave already it would be a shocker, but Carmel leaving is just out of the question. That's what makes this as open a contest as you'll get. It'll be a hard-hitter, it'll be amazing probably, but don't ask me for a winner, because I honestly can't call it.
Mark Coffey vs Stevie Boy
With his brother contesting the main event for the ICW World Heavyweight Championship, Mark Coffey will be looking to get in a show-stealing match before Joe even hits the ring. That brotherly competition will be there, of course it will. Mark knows his brother has the main event spot, so he'll be looking to prove why he should be there as well. To an extent, he already has, but good things come to those who wait, and Mark Coffey has been patient in his pursuit of glory in ICW. A former Zero-G champion, and current tag team champion, the prospect of the triple crown has to be playing on Mark Coffey's mind. Should Joe win the title, I have no doubt we'll see the brothers Coffey squaring off in the near future. Then there's Stevie Boy, former multiple time tag team champion, one half of the Bucky Boys, and user of the Canadian Destroyer, among other cracking moves. Stevie has been in limbo a bit as of late, going solo during Davey Boy's injury, but upon his return, the Buckys seem to be going through a bit of a dry spell. Mark Coffey, being a member of Polo Promotions, claims to be a part of the new ICW tag team division, in which Stevie and Davey are no longer the top dogs. Scoring a singles win over one half of the current tag champs would surely see them re-enter the reckoning for the belts. These two know each other awfully well, and if they produced anything other than a stellar match, I'd shit on my hands and clap. I think Mark Coffey will win though, but that's because I'm biased.
POLO PROMOTIONS!
*CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP*
Jackie Polo vs Lionheart
POLO PROMOTIONS!
*CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP*
Most highly anticipated match in Scottish wrestling history? A case can be made for Jester vs Galloway, but that was only built over the space of a few months. This has been YEARS in the making. It was originally scheduled to happen last year at Still Smokin', but Lionheart's broken neck put paid to that. Now he's back and looking to take Jackie Polo out once and for all. It can be argued that all the mind games and the brilliantly condescending promos won't help Jackie Polo when he steps into the ring with Hearto one-on-one, but you need to remember that Jackie Polo is also the other half of the current tag team champions, he is the King of Chat... and he is SCOTLAND'S BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST WRESTLER. He believes that, and he'll be looking to prove that by beating Lionheart on Sunday. He wants to take the dream comeback and spit in it's face. That's just Jackie Polo. This will be the most emotionally charged match we've seen in years, and where Lionheart gets the respect he rightfully deserves, I'm pulling for Jackie in this one. It'd just be so... Jackie Polo... for him to win. I'll also go out on a limb and say both men will tease a Styles Clash at least once in this match. Listen guys, this is the match most of us paid to see, this show all but sold out with only this match announced. It'll be one of the absolute highlights, if you're not going to this show you are really missing out. Can't really sell the match any more than that.
One more time, fuck it.
POLO PROMOTIONS!
*CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP*
Chris Renfrew vs Dickie Divers
Chris Renfrew has fucking lost it. He didn't take his loss to Drew Galloway, and subsequent failure to win the Square Go all that well. His then NAK brother, and still the holder of my heart, Dickie Divers, stole his chance of another World Heavyweight Title shot, and he simply fucking... lost it. It was Divers who issued the challenge to Renfrew for this match, and Renfrew replied by attacking a poor security guy with scissors and blatantly stating that he's going to fucking kill Divers here. Well, fuck. No chance is this going to go down cleanly. Renfrew has been too mad, and BT Gunn has been too... absent. I just want them all to be pals again. NAK 4 LIFE and that. This won't be a wrestling match, just two guys trying to murder each other, and it'll be artwork. No one wins this. As I said, it won't end cleanly. Regardless of the outcome, both men lose something. Just hope for Divers' sake that it won't be his life. If BT Gunn is returning to ICW, I think it will be here, just not sure what role he'll have to play in the outcome. Either way, this will be off the charts mental. Renfrew wants to make sure ICW sticks to it's violent roots by killing his old pal, and Divers just wants a fight for the fun of it. He still has a title shot. Might even cash it in on Galloway or Coffey after Renfrew has killed him. He's Dickie Divers, he does what he wants.
Joe Coffey vs Drew Galloway (c) (ICW World Heavyweight Championship Match)
In terms of possible main events to take place at the return to the Barras, number one contendership for the world heavyweight championship wasn't in anyone's mind until the ICW Awards. Joe Coffey was voted the wrestler of the year by the fans and who can really argue with that? The reigning, defending Iron Man of ICW, who never puts a step wrong. The acclaim of being wrestler of the year was accompanied with this title shot against the champ at Barramania. Many people, including myself, though it would be Joe Coffey vs Chris Renfrew, but that dream was destroyed. Instead, we get two of the biggest, most imposing fuckers in Scottish wrestling history knocking lumps out of each other. Drew Galloway currently holds four heavyweight championships across the globe, and that is no mean feat. Scotland, America, Denmark, Australia. Heavyweight titles in them all. He's making good on his promise to get ICW even more worldwide exposure, and proven he's more than just hype. However, he's no Iron Man, and on Sunday, I think Joe Coffey's slow rise to the top in ICW will culminate with him tearing the title away from The Chosen One and cementing a new legacy for himself. The match will be wonderful of course, and I expect it'll last a good while. We can soak it all in though, and enjoy every second of it. My prediction is that Joe Coffey adds a new prefix to his already bulging name.
"Iron Man. Mighty Wrestler. ICW World Heavyweight Champion."
Has a ring to it, eh?
(But remember, there's always Divers.)