Match 1 - Dolph Ziggler def. The Miz (c) via pinfall for the Intercontinental Championsip. Yes. Yes. YES. YES. After what seems like an absolute age since that unforgettable moment when Dolph Ziggler cashed in his Money in the Bank contract the night after Wrestlemania 29, The Show Off captured his second Intercontinental Championship at the expense of The Miz. Dolph took some sore looking head bumps early on (of course) before Miz' attempts to protect his "moneymaker" were undone by a cracking superkick by Ziggler, which Miz sold like a champ. Dolph hits the fame-asser but Miz bounces up from it and hits the skull crushing finale for the two count. Eventually, Miz tries to kick Ziggler's head off his shoulders, but Dolph avoids it, and connects with the Zig Zag for the win. We can all be jubilant about this, onwards and upwards Ziggy!
Match 2 - Paige def. AJ Lee (c) via pinfall for the Divas Championship. A match that didn't last as long as I might have wanted it to, but it was an absolute belter. We get to see the true nature of Paige as we seen her rattle AJ with numerous vicious headbutts, before taking her onto the apron for one of my favorite spots ever, kneeing AJ in the gut about 10 times. Back in the ring, AJ gets some offence in, before trying to lock in the Black Widow. After initially looking as though she was going to tap out, Paige reversed the hold into the Ram-Paige, as she secured her second Divas Championship. After the match, Paige held up AJ's limp body and gave her a friendly hug. The maniacal minx that she is.
Match 3 - Rusev w/Lana def. Jack Swagger w/Zeb Colter via KO in a Flag Match. IT WAS FIRST TO A PIN FALL! Before the match even started, Jack thought it wise to soften big Rusev up by locking in the patriot lock, leaving Rusev with a limp for the rest of the match. It was a tale of two injuries as Rusev targeted the burst ribs of Swagger. I genuinely couldn't call this match throughout, as both men looked to take advantage of their opponent's injuries. After struggling to get him up at the first attempt, Swagger hits a belly to belly, followed by the swaggerbomb for the two, but further hurting himself. Rusev hit an impressive spinning heel kick, which was visually awesome. Swagger locked in the patriot lock again and it looked as though Rusev was going to tap, but he fought out and locked in the Accolade. Jack was nothing if not resilient however, and before he willingly accepted the defeat, the pain would become too much and Jack passes out in the hold. Great match which told a really good story, these two have good chemistry in the ring, and it was good to see this match get a good chance. Afterwards, Rusev kicked Zeb in the face, provoking a sickening response from the boys on commentary, while the Russian national anthem was played and the flag raised above the ring. Disgusted, so they were. So was I, that was bang out Rusev.
Match 4 - Seth Rollins def. Dean Ambrose via pinfall in a Lumberjack Match. Beautiful, so this was.These two are fantastic together, whether it be in the same corner or at opposite ends of the ring. We kick this off with a good old fashioned brawl, before the action inevitably spills out into the lumberjacks. As they made their way up the stairs and through the crowd, with Rollins frantically trying to get away from Ambrose, who else but Corporate Kane showed up to give the lumberjacks a telling off. "Yer supposed to be keeping them IN the ring. Are they IN the ring right now? Naw. So I suggest yees aw go up they stairs and get them back doon here, fucking SHARPISH." Or at least, that's what I'd imagine he was saying. Probably best he did though, because Seth was ready to powerbomb oor Dean to his certain death from atop a stand, before the troops showed up to save him. The lumberjacks finally get them back in, where Ambrose took control again, and hit Rollins with his own curb stomp to surely win it. But nah. Kane comes in and breaks up the pin, only for Goldust to get involved, squaring up to Kane, who floors the gold one, before everyone got involved. An all out scrap ensued between the lumberjacks in the ring, but that sneaky Rollins bastard picked up his briefcase in the melee and hit Ambrose over the head with it to pick up the win. Hugely entertaining affair, but I think Rollins needs to stop getting hauners aff uncle Kane soon, if he's to be the next champ.
Match 5 - Bray Wyatt def. Chris Jericho via pinfall. I really wish I gave any care to this feud. For two of the most captivating performers we're ever likely to see, this has been a shambles. My issue with these two going at it has been that I don't want Bray to lose as much as I should. We're supposed to hate this sick individual, and cheering on Y2J to "save us" from this monster, but it's just... not happening. This match was a generous "alright". Nothing much to note, other than when Jericho went for the lionsault, but Bray stood up into the crab walk, striking the fear inty Jericho. Only part of the match I was sold on. The genuine fear in Jericho's eyes was immense. The finish was reminiscent of when Bray faced DBry. Hitting a sister abigail into the barricade, before rolling Y2J in, hitting another sister abigail and picking up the win. Right result without a doubt, I just hope the third match will be markedly better than the first two.
Match 6 - Stephanie McMahon def. Brie Bella via pinfall. Steph wasn't half looking ravishing eh? She came out to compete in very figure hugging gear, looking fine as hell. She can still fair go anawl, as we saw through the whole match, where she basically brutalized Brie, the regular roster member, to the point where Brie had one offensive move the entire match. I think it was that dropkick, I heard her scream "BRIE MODE" and looked away in disgust. Triple H came out for some moral support, followed by Nikki Bella coming out to support her sister. Brie doesn't want Trips getting his nose in her business but, and duly takes him out (aye, that's right, a Bella took out Triple H). Steph tries to escape but gets caught between Brie and Nikki, who finally does what I've wanted her to do for a long time. She skelps Brie instead, helps Steph up, and lets her hit a baw tingling Pedigree for the win. Nikki Bella is a heel now. She's turned on her sis. Question is... who gets custody of the twitter account? We'll see in due course.
Match 7 - Roman Reigns def. Randy Orton via pinfall. Roman Reigns' meteoric push to the lofty heights of the world championship picture continued with what I predicted would be a "masterclass in restholds". Was I wrong? Fucking right I wasn't. Pace was far too slow early on, even for an Orton match, who's whole style is methodical offense and ring psychology. If there was any kind of injection of pace into the match halfway through, I think it would have been great. Reigns spent a lot of the match in control, however, Orton hits an RKO (from outta nowhere) for the two count, and decides if that can't get it done, it's time to punt Roman's heid aff. Reigns is wary of it though, and trips Orton up. He dodges a big clothesline and hits a beautiful spear for the victory. Reigns is almost there, he needs a couple more offensive moves and improve his mic work but apart from that it's all coming together nicely. I hope we see him win the belt, so we know what kind of champ he'll be in the future, even if it is only to allow an easy cash in for Rollins.
Why would Rollins need an "easy" cash in? Well...
Match 8 - Brock Lesnar def. John Cena (c) via pinfall for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. I don't care what anyone says, this match was perfect. No man is bigger than the legacy of Undertaker's streak. No one. Brock Lesnar had one thing on his mind going into this match. Destroy. I can count on one hand how many offensive moves John Cena had in this match, and I'd need 4 hands to count how many times Brock hit him with a German suplex. Sixteen Germans. Before that though, Lesnar hit an F5 within the first 30 seconds, and I kinda wished that would have been the end of it. Cena kept fighting though, but as he landed on his neck time after time, you could just tell that his grip on the WWE World Heavyweight Championship was weakening. One thing positive happened in this match for John though! It was the first time he ever properly applied an STF, and good for you John, and goodnight John. As right after Lesnar eased out of the hold, he pummeled Cena with more fists and elbows, before lifting him onto his shoulders with minimum effort, delivering a second F5, and claiming the world championship. Easy days work for Brock and Heyman, who go up the road with shiny belts, and the smell of shite lingering around them after Cena literally shit himself during the last German. Brock Lesnar is our new champ. He probably will be for a very long time. Deal wae it. Hope he's as good a champ as I think he's going to be.
So aye, Summerslam happened, and it was almost too good to handle in places. Match of the night must go to Ambrose and Rollins, who put on an absolute clinic. Three title changes in one night is rare. The fact that those three new champs are Paige, Brock Lesnar and DOLPH FUCKING ZIGGLER makes it all the sweeter. Swagger and Rusev had a cracker, and I hope they do go at it again at one point, although technically speaking that's Rusev won the feud. Reigns wins again because he's the daddy, Bray is getting some momentum back and Stephanie is looking mighty fine in that catsuit. Best put together PPV since Wrestlemania, but we want MORE. More German Suplexes, more catsuits on company executives (I'm looking at you, Laurinaitis...), more belts around Ziggler's waist, and most importantly - MORE DEAN AMBROSE. All the Ambrose, all the time.
Ladies and gentleman... your NEWWW WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...
