It was Hulk Hogan's birthday on RAW this week, and as could have been expected, everything was red and yellow. There was a big stack of presents for the Hulkster on the stage, this week's RAW was to be a PARTY! And just like any empty you've ever been at, there's that one prick who turns up and flushes yer hamster down the toilet. The prick in question here is Brock Lesnar, and he's here to send a message. Well, Paul Heyman is, and Brock'll just stand there making his best constipated faces. Heyman tells us that John Cena is going to be made to suffer at Summerslam, and that the beating he'll receive will be tantamount to a Shakespearean tragedy. He claims that Hulk Hogan and The Rock were never the same after Brock got his hands on them, and we won't be seeing Cena for a long time after Summerslam. Paul goes on to belt out a belter of a rap about Brock, and then states that the WWE ring is Brock's home, and after everyone has their party tonight, the man of the house is coming home. Typically brilliant promo from Heyman.
Match 1 - Roman Reigns def. Rybaxel via disqualification in a 2 on 1 handicap match. Post match attack by Rybaxel, but Reigns rallies and spears both men. Renee Young interviews Roman, he claims that at Summerslam, he's taking everything from Randy Orton.
Backstage, Kane informs Randy Orton that the authority have put him in a match with Sheamus tonight.
Match 2 - Seth Rollins def. Rob Van Dam via pinfall after hitting the curb stomp. After the match, Rollins is suspicious of a particularly large parcel on the stage, but just as he convinces himself there's nothing to worry about, Dean Ambrose bursts out of it and attacks him. Ambrose tells Rollins that there's nowhere to run on Sunday.
Stephanie McMahon comes out to make an announcement. She invites a girl in from the crowd, who claims to be Daniel Bryan's physical therapist. Steph urges her to tell everyone what's been happening, and she reveals that she's been having an affair with Bryan. Brie comes down to confront her. After slapping the girl, she attacks Steph, attempting the most pathetic Yes! Lock ever I have ever seen and has to be pulled off by Finlay, Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury. Steph tells Brie that she won't wait until Summerslam, and that she ends it TONIGHT.
Match 3 - Jack Swagger def. Cesaro via submission. A competitive match, which focused on Cesaro targeting the injured ribs of Swagger. Cesaro gets caught in the Patriot Lock and is forced to tap out. Zeb Colter gets on the mic. His promo is interrupted by the Russian flag unveiling behind him, and Rusev appearing on the stage for a flag wave-off.
Michael Cole hosts a sit down face to face interview between Bray Wyatt and Chris Jericho. Wyatt tells Michael to leave within seconds, and tells Jericho that he knows a lot about Jericho, but Jericho doesn't know an awful lot about him. He questions Jericho's ability to be a savior, when he can't even save himself. Jericho replies, saying that he's not a savior, but a survivor, and at Summerslam, Bray Wyatt belongs to him.
Match 4 - Eva Marie def. AJ Lee via pinfall. Paige comes out as soon as the bell rings, distracting AJ long enough for Eva to roll up AJ and pick up the win. Paige cuts a promo about how she likes AJ, but she's just got a face she wants to punch. AJ takes out her frustration on Eva, throwing her against the barricade and the announce table.
Sticking to the theme of Hogan's birthday, John Cena comes out to reply to Brock Lesnar, dressed in a red and yellow t-shirt, wristbands and cap, but beige shorts. Not a good look John. He tells us that he's being asked when he's going to turn. When is he going to take off the caps and wristbands, and turn his back on the fans? According to him, it's never going to happen. At Summerslam, he conquers the conquerer. He becomes the 1 who beat the 1.
Brie Bella comes out to face Stephanie. However, Steph appears in her work clothes, and tells Brie that the lassie has pressed charges because Brie slapped her. Some police comes down and arrest Brie, and this has no place in wrestling, so kindly take it to fuck.
Match 5 - Heath Slater def. Dolph Ziggler via count-out. Miz is on commentary. After a strong showing from Slater, Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag and looks to have the match won. Miz comes off commentary and goads Ziggler into chasing him, Ziggler tries to get back but can't beat the count of 10. Ziggler offers Slater a handshake, but Slater tries to blindside him. Ziggler is wise to it and hits another Zig-Zag.
Match 6 - Randy Orton def. Sheamus via pinfall. Boring match with not much worth mentioning bar the finish. Sheamus rolls up onto the top rope, looking for the shoulder barge, but Orton catches him in mid air with a cracking RKO to pick up the win.
The roster assemble on the ramp to celebrate Hulk Hogan's birthday. Mean Gene and Jimmy Hart are the hosts of this party, and they introduce the birthday boy. A video package plays of Hogan's career, which brings a tear to the big man's eye. After a heartfelt thank you to the WWE universe and everyone who had sent him a birthday wish, the guests start arriving... Ric Flair, Paul Orndorff, Roddy Piper and Hogan's nWo teammates, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall. Hall says that everyone would rather see Hogan in the black and white, and he duly obliges, ripping off his yellow number to reveal an nWo vest. Just as Kevin Nash is singing an awfully enthusiastic rendition of "Happy Birthday", who else but Brock Lesnar to come out and ruin the ambiance. He squares up to Hogan, who looks gem for a fight, but Cena comes out for a fight of his own. He challenges Lesnar, who smirks and clears the ring.
Overall, RAW was good this week, it kept me at least interested throughout, except for the Brie and Stephanie segments. Good to see Heath Slater getting a win or two and Dolph looking strong going into the second biggest PPV of the year. As always, it's been a pleasure. Roll on Summerslam!