RAW RAW RAW. Coming off the back of Survivor Series the previous night, with everything that transpired, there was high expectations for this week's RAW. Would the legendary Sting make his first ever live appearance on Monday Night RAW? Would we be introduced to the man who's in charge of running the place from now on? In short, this was the start of a new era in WWE, without The Authority in charge. And what better way to kick that era off... with The Authority. Or as they're known now, just Trips and Steph. They start shouting really loudly and warns us that we'll be begging for them to come back in no time. Blah blah blah.
THERE'S DANIEL FUCKIN' BRYAN. The bearded delight comes out, bursting with energy, YES-ing right into Hunter and Steph's faces as they left with their heads hung low. He informs us that he will be taking the reigns of RAW this week, and that is a worthy substitute for not seeing him wrestle for the time being. He calls out Team Authority and tells them their individual plans for the night. Seth Rollins will face John Cena and Dolph Ziggler in a 3-on-2 handicap match, with his two partners voted for by the fans, Kane would be put in charge of food and drink for the evening. Rusev would have to choose between reciting the pledge of allegiance or defending the US title in a battle royal against the entire WWE roster, Luke Harper would defend the IC title against Dean Ambrose, and Mark Henry would go one-on-one with Ryback. Or as DBry likes to call him - "THE RYBACK", That match is next...
There was no real chance of this match getting competitive. The Big Guy was hungry brother, and he wasn't in any kind of mood for messing around. Attacking Henry on the ramp, they drag each other into the ring, and Ryback immediately puts him down with a Meathook Clothesline for the win. Simple, elegant. Feed him more.
Few things are as uncomfortably brilliant as watching Vince McMahon berate someone who hasn't done their job. On the receiving end of it this time was Steph and Hunter, who apologize for letting him down. That just dug a deeper hole though, as Vince flew into a tirade of never apologizing for anything in his life. (Ahem. Except for during that one contract signing a while back with a Mr. P. Brooks... "I APOLOGIZE YOU SON OF A BITCH!") He says that the only thing he'll be sorry for is having to spend Thanksgiving with them, before the three of them left in the limo. That's cold, Vince.
Next up was the Intercontinental Championship match, and it was rather lovely. Mighty competitive contest between Harper and Ambrose. The match came to an end though when Harper used some vintage heel tactics, pushing Ambrose into the ref and causing the DQ. Ambrose flew into a temper, attacking Harper and hitting him with a Dirty Deeds onto a steel chair. In an attempt to repeat the antics of Survivor Series, he grabbed a ladder and a table, but was blindsided by Bray Wyatt, who hit a brutal Sister Abigail onto the floor. Over the announce table went Ambrose, as Wyatt piled chair on top of him, before posing on top of the table. Finally, some proper heel heat for Wyatt. TLC will be an absolute war.
An absolutely terrible segment with Santino Marella and Larry The Cable Cunt followed, and was thankfully interrupted by the Dusts, who were preparing for their tag title rematch. On a sidenote - fuck Larry. He's an arsehole. Mizdow and Miz come out, with Mizdow carrying toy tag title belts. It was all a rare laugh. As usual, it would be Mizdow who does all the hard work, and The Miz tagged himself in, hitting the Skull Crushing Finale to steal the win from his stunt double. The Mizdow bandwagon rolls on, the match was generally quite good also, but there's obvious emphasis on the rising and impending Mizdow face turn. It'll be glorious.
Then we got some feel-good antics as it was confirmed that Jack Swagger isn't for going down without a fight. Rusev comes out to make his decision, and Lana says that it's not fair. Rusev tries to leave the ring, but DBry appears on the titantron and tells him he'll have to defend his title in the battle royal if he doesn't say the pledge. Want some encouragement? Here's a legend. Out rolls Sgt. Slaughter to call some people maggots. Only he didn't. He just shouted very loudly at Lana to say the pledge louder. Rusev takes exception, and tries to square up to Sarge, only to find help in the form of the Real American, American American! Swagger charges the ring, and after initially being taken down, manages to lock in the Patriot Lock before Rusev wriggles free and retreats. As Jack, Zeb and Sarge shout WE THE PEOPLE in the ring, I can't help but remember how much Swagger should have won the original encounter with Rusev. Here's hoping he can bring the big Bulgarian his first pinfall loss in WWE.
Another squash for Fandango, as he makes short work of Justin Gabriel again. Both wrestlers deserve better, lets just leave it at that. Unnecessary CM Punk chants throughout the match as well, but if they really don't want the chants... don't have daft matches like this.
Big Show decided the time was right to address what happened at Survivor Series. He comes out to a sea of boos, claiming that he's not a bad guy, and that he wants to make sure everyone is cool with him. OF COURSE EVERYTHING ISN'T COOL. YOU KNOCKED OUT THE GUY ALL THE FANS HATE. WHY WOULD THEY BE COOL WITH THAT. He of course loses his temper, saying that we all owe him a by on what he done, because everyone makes mistakes. He's heard the whispers in the back about him being a traitor, and if anyone has anything to say, he suggests they come out and say it to his face. I fucking love Erick Rowan. Five words I never thought I'd hear come out my mouth, but as he came out to yet another decent pop, and chants of his name, it just seemed as though something has clicked. They've found a hidden gem in Rowan. Make him the simple-minded powerhouse that Festus should have been. Big Show makes fun of the fact Rowan should have his kitty cat out with him and calls him "upside-down Sheamus" which admittedly had me floored, before coming down to his level, and tells him to leave before he gets hurt. Nut. "I don't. Like. Bullies." Rowan attacks, and everyone digs it. Does that cracking spinning kick to floor Show, who leaves with his tail between his legs. Erick Rowan has arrived.
I love when AJ cuts a promo and sounds legitimately pissed off. She congratulates Nikke Bella on her title win, before saying that Brie proved that she's just as much a skank as her sister is. The match is Brie vs AJ, and the writing was on the wall for a while. Brie surprisingly dominated for the most part, before a distraction allowed Nikki to pull AJ's arm over the top rope from the outside, and Brie rolled her up for the victory. Again sounding like a raging bull, AJ gets on the mic again and says that it takes two Bella's to be champion, and that the two of them combined don't make half the woman she is. Then she tells them that someone needs to break it to the Bella's that talent is not sexually transmitted, prompting this reaction from everyone who was watching...
Larry and Santino are back and are on commentary for Adam Rose and The Bunny vs Tyson Kidd and Natalya. The arse has been truly ripped out this heel turn. Just do it already and put us all out of our misery's. The Bunny made a humdinger of a mistake when he accidentaly grabbed Adam Rose's foot, allowing Tyson to steal the win. Rose looks angry. NEXT.
Kane needs to learn that the last thing you should do when Big Guy is hungry, is refuse him his food and throw a single hot dog at him. His order of choice was "Two cans of tuna fish, a protein shake (with extra protein for DA BIG GUY) and a bag of beef jerky." Spoken like a champ. Kane tells him there's none left, before flicking a hot dog at Ryback's face. Lets just say that the concession stand has seen better days, and Kane still smells like mustard and ketchup. Ryback grabs some beef jerky, looking decidedly amused with himself. Ah Ryback.
The fan vote for Seth Rollins' partners was a decisive victory for Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury. Much to Rollins' misery. For two guys who haven't wrestled in so long, they still looked quite sharp. Except for the obvious comedy spots where they ducked and dived each other for a solid minute before realizing where they were going wrong. Eventually, they try the numbers game, by Cena and Ziggler hit their finishers on J&J Security for the win while Rollins watches on bemused. Bryan decides he should have some fun, throwing Rollins into the ring and allowing Cena to hit an AA. Cena, Ziggler and Bryan celebrate in the ring, only to be interrupted by... naw. Please naw. It is... aw for fuck sake. That fucking laptop is back. Where the fuck is Edge when you need him? Cole goes through his old routine, with the message from the Anonymous General Manager reading that next week, he brings order back to Monday Night RAW. The show ended with the noise going into overdrive, with Cole shouting that he can't stop it. My money is on it being The Authority behind the laptop personally, but we can't rule out some vital names... Orton, Sting, Teddy Long... or Big Johnny. Just fucking imagine that. On that note, RAW was good, had some decent matches and we had the feel-good factor of having Daniel Bryan back for the night. I think it's fair to give RAW a solid 7/10. Cheerio amigo.